The Result of Doing Too Much Maths...

Macbeth needs more...

Okay so we're reading Macbeth for English, and i have to say, Shakespeare really knows how to put someone off reading...
So i thought to myself: 'What would make Macbeth awesomer?', and so with some of my fellow classmates, we came up with a few ideas:

-zombies
-polar bears
-tyrannosaurus rexes with swords for teeth driving forklifts
-kamikaze unicorns
-old spice commercial breaks
-people firing lasers from their mouths
-exploding fruit (watermelons, pineapple...)
-Donkey Kong
-gold plated armoured warthogs
-Spongebob Squarepants
-black guys having break-dance offs
-racist asians
-the Terminator
-elephant pornstars
-Ronald MacDonald as Macbeth
-bollywood dancing sequences with over 300 people in them
-Borat
-werewolves
-gypsies wielding AK-47s
-obese people mud-wrestling
-crazy cat ladies
-slow motion action sequences
-New Zealand's fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo
-Swans pecking old peoples eyes out
-Rambo
-300 prehistoric great white sharks called 'Bruce'
-beheadings

...AND LESS SOLILOQUIES!!!

Haircuts + 7-11 $1 Day

Today was 7-11 $1 Day, which means that basically half the stuff they sell goes down to $1 ONLY, but only for that particular day, that day being today. It was absolutely fucking fantastic! The 7-11 near school had no room to move, and there was a queue that extended 50 metres out of the actual store. People were buying craploads of random food that you would never buy on any other day (i mean, who the fuck still eats Kettle Chips anyway?), and so many people were just racking stuff as easily as stealing candy from a baby, only the babies were indian, and they weren't babies. (They didn't look like Ghandi however)
I myslef picked up a slab of 24 Mother Energy Drinks for a clean $24, which comes up to be about 1/4 of the price it was before, since Mothers are $4 each, and i got 'em for $1 each.

I also got a haircut which sucks fat whale dick. That's pretty much the 2 things that happened today.

France

Shit. I've been lazy with my posts recently, so I'm going to sum up the last 4 weeks' highlights (which conveniently is the time i spent in France) with this über long post. Here goes nothing;

Alcoholic Family Meals That Never End -

I had to attend a ridiculous amount of family lunches while i was in Frog Land, and most of them consisted of my older relatives (since i have no younger relatives) getting smashed. They had 'aperitif', which is the french word for drinks before the meal, drinks during the meal, and drinks after the meal, until about 4, and by that time half of them were comatose in either a pool or a couch, depending on whose house we were at. Great role models, eyh?

Dad Picking Up Hitch-hikers -

The only thing worse than seeing all 3 Twilight films, is seeing my dad picking up randoms on the side of the highway.

They were 2 Swedish blondes (i wonder why he picked them up off the road and not the hobo by the bus stop before?) and they were going in exactly the opposite direction that we were going. So instead of being on the road for 3 hours, we were on the road for 5 hours. Thanks Dad. I'll remember that when it's time to put you in a retirement home.

Topless Beaches -

One awesome thing about France (and no, its not croissants, cheese, wine, snails or frogs legs) is that its legal for women to go topless to the beach. This has ups and downs; as much as its fun to perve on chicks getting their breasts tanned, there are only a few good-looking ones who actually do it. Most of the topless chicks are 60+ with tits that sag more than a magicians sleeve, which haunts any normal person for a few days.

Dad Flirting With 17 Year Old Girls -

Hey hey, its embarassing Dad moment number 2! If picking up hitch-hikers wasn't bad enough, a few later, he started hitting on this girl who was interested in me. Sucking in the stomach to make it look like a six-pack, saying all this knowledgeable stuff and trying to be funny, flexing muscles and pretending to think at the same time, wearing budgie smugglers at the beach (okay maybe not the last one)... The list goes on. She, however, was not impressed, and when learnt that that pedophile was my dad, she immediately got scared of me and ran off. Thanks again, Dad. Maybe i won't even bother putting you in a retirement home, i might just dump you at the bus stop with that hobo you wouldn't pick up.

Souvenirs -

One thing that i hate about going on holidays in a different country is having to buy souvenirs for all my friends. I mean, what the fuck am i supposed to get you? A fucking beret? Oh yeah, REAL original...

It also means that i have to go into souvenir shops, which are packed with Japanese tourists with their Nikon cameras hanging off their necks and German or English backpackers with a bag the size of an elephant's penis (around 2 metres long, i'm guessing?) all wanting a mini Eiffel Tower to take home to prove that they went to France. (Yeah, great proof. i can get those from Safeway, idiots)

So yeah, that was pretty much the last 4 weeks of my existence summed up into a what-i-hope-was-an-informative-blog-post.

I'm like the wise tree in Pocahontas, except I'm not a talking tree

Wow. Has been more than a week since my last post. Too long. But ive had exams and shit on, so i forgive myself.
Rather than describe the feeling of shitting myself during exams or how pointless and boring the GAT was (i sware i have NEVER learnt more about deep sea exploration in my life), i'm moving onto the long weekend! Woot.
I'm attending an all-nighter tomorrow night, but the cool thing is; i've been invited earlier than the others for a special purpose: WE. ARE. BUILDING. A. FUCKING. HALF. PIPE. IN. MY. FRIEND'S. BACKYARD. O. M. G.
Now for those of you who don't know, a half pipe is a skate ramp, in the shape of a half pipe (as the name indicates, for those of you retarded enough to not get the meaning) that is used for skating. We have to build it, paint it (we're getting one of our good old friends from the Carlton Commission Flats to do a piece on it), and skate it.
Then, when the guests arrive, the fun starts. Skating, BBQ, drinking, trampoline, OUTDOOR SPA... Yes you heard that right, he has an outdoor spa. Yes, you should be jealous. Well fuck you if you're not.
So that's my long weekend planned. Anything interesting coming your way?

Phat Beats

I've been kickin' back to lots of rap & hip-hop recently, so I decided to post 5 of the best (in my opinion, and this doesn't mean THEY ARE THE BEST) booming tracks;

1. Chase That Feeling - Hilltop Hoods
This is some of the best Aussie culture you'll ever get. Hilltop Hoods, even though they come from Adelaide, are second to none in the field of Australian rap. Their beats are catchy, their lyrics political, sad, and funny.

2. Juicy - Biggie Smalls
The Notorious B.I.G (may his soul rest in peace) was one hell of a fat prick with a badass, black rapper attitude, and his tunes were just as good. This song is THE underdog song, detailing his life struggles and his fight to get to the top.

3. Lonely Streets (featuring Debaser) - Bliss N Eso
Okay, when I said the Hoods were second to none in Aussie rap, I might've spoken too fast. These guys are fucking insane. They use sampling to add that much-loved awesonmness to their tracks, and their lyrics are maybe even better than their fellow Australian counterparts. Unfortunately, they also, too, come from Adelaide... But, no one is perfect, so all is forgiven.

4. Dance Wiv Me (featuring Calvin Harris & Chrome) - Dizzee Rascal
When it comes to the English, rap is OUT OF THE QUESTION. But this guy is black, so it like counteracts the fact that he comes from a country with no rap skills whatsoever. This guy was at Big Day Out, and he was fucking amazing. Plus this song has the only Scottish rapper that I know of.

5. Without Me - Eminem
The most controversial rapper in the history of the art, Marshall Mathers the 3rd is one angry motherfucker in his raps, and I can understand why, with a name like that. His raps are infectious; once they catch on, they will never let go. This guy has so many good songs, but I had only room for one.

Looking Back

Fark. Tomorrow is already the last day of the first half of the year (before exams), which means end of Unit 1 for us VCE students. What a fuck-up that's been. Stuffing around in class, getting detentions, racking shit from JB-Hifi with mates, sexual harassment lawsuits for a few friends, failing subjects, realising that our dreams and hopes are all grand fucking delusions... The list goes on, and what a start to the year. If the second half is as good as this, bring it on I say.
But by now I've come to the stage where I've realised that I'm looking forward to the future TOO much... I mean sure, I can't wait to get out of school, into the wild urban jungle, fend for myself in that dog-eat-dog world, but with all that, I've forgotten to live in the now.
By being so obsessed with the past, our mistakes and triumphs, and anticipating the future, how amazing and different it will be, we've forgotten to live in the moment.
So I'm here to tell you; You only have one life, so get your fucking head in the game and look around; this is the now, this is YOUR life, so live it to the fullest.

Great Movies, Part 1

Hokay, so it's late at night on a tuesday, I'm shit bored, so instead of bitching on about how boring life is and that I should get off the computer and go to bed, I'm going to tell you to go watch awesome movies that are awesome. I'll try do one a week. Even if you've already seen it, just fucking watch it again! DO IT.

1. Gentelmen Broncos:
You remember when Napoleon Dynamite first came out and after your Vote For Pedro shirt was all stained from your shame-sweat and your mouth finally stopped uncontrollably muttering "GOSH, IDIOT," you actually had that moment where you stopped and were like, "Yah, that movie was OK, but now that I think about, it was super G-rated. What the fuck, who duped me into watching a G-rated movie and, even more, who hypnotized me into running around pretending I'm not allowed to cuss and that I need to practice my karate? Damn! If I was gonna be influenced that much by a movie, I wish that shit was DARK!"?
Then Nacho Libre came out right about then and did nothing to fulfill your fantasies, as that movie vacuumed a pile of dicks up off of the floor in record speed. HOWEVER, the magically imaginative husband/wife team of Jared & Jerusha Hess have finally accomplished what we wanted them to do in the first place. Gentlemen Broncos is, in the most general way possible, a dark Napoleon Dynamite. But it gets so much deeper than that, and so much more compelling and original. It's not just a cussing version of Napoleon. Actually, I still don't think there's even cussing in THIS on either, but its super fucked up nonetheless. Filled to the rim of the film canister with sci-fi, innocence, mormon values, snakes, deers with lasers, gay spacemen from the future, castration, vomit, plagiarism, indy filmmaking, more lasers, and superstar Jemaine Clement from Flight Of The Conchords, only THE MOST AWESOME BAND. EVER. This shit's on DVD. Get it.

Kwijybo

I'd like to make a special post to congratulate an awesome person that I know, who will go under the name 'aap' for now, to keep her privacy. Congratulations :)

I'm Out of Inspiration

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I've got nothing to say

Footscray/Fights/Lectures from your parents

Harro again everyone! (that's probably like 3 people?)
It's been a long time since I've made a proper post, so I'll just get back to it now.
Last week myself and 3 mates went to Footscray so that one of my friends could get a haircut, we could go buy $2 DVD's, and have the best kebabs in town for lunch. So anyway, we need to catch the 401 bus from the hospital, down to North Melbourne train station, and then the train from there to the land of asians, africans, and white junkie knocked up bitches with a bottle of Jim Beam in the pram where the baby should be. Now, we were protected against the first 2, because we had a Chinese and a Somali with us, but for the last one, not so much...
Anyway, after the Somali got his haircut, after eating kebabs, after buying 2 dorrah DVD's, after racking a shitload of 5 gum, we were just near the train station, when some stooges from Simmonds approached us. They were 5, we were 3. Two of them had weapons (does a screwdriver count as a weapon?) They wanted to roll us. Long story short, it was either we run and get a rumour spread around that we were pussies, or stand up and fight.
The Somali kid whistled to these 4 tank black guys walking towards us, and without even asking what was going on, they just busted into those poor motherfuckers, and rolled THEM instead. Talk about karma.
Anyway, in the ensuing mayhem, I copped myself a black eye. Shit. How was I going to explain this to my parents?
I get home, and my dad doesn't notice me for like 10 minutes. Finally, he comes down to my room, sees my eye, and yells the highest pitched scream I've EVER heard a guy yell. 'WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?'. Anyway, to spare you the pain of the 30 minute lecture that I had to endure, it was basically one of those 'I don't want you anywhere near those guys again, and you're grounded also' one-sided talks that my dad does so well.
So all in all, the consequences of the fight were nothing compared to the wrath of an angry french dad...

Being Indie

Have you noticed all those people around you, who just don't seem that normal? The people who wear gumboots with dresses, have nose piercings bigger than anything that could come out of the actual nose, have ladders/holes in all their pairs of tights, wear red tight jeans, have a constant bong cough, own multicoulored vests and so on and so forth?
No, they're not from the circus's freak show act, let me reassure you there, but they are a growing species. The indie, or 'individual' as the scientific name would have it, is about as common as a seagull in society nowadays.
All these people dress the way they dress, act the way they act, listen to the music they listen to because they want to be 'non-conformists'. I mean, you have to be pretty non-conformist/fucked up if you voluntarily choose to listen to something with album artwork like THAT! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
But doesn't that defeat the purpose of being an individual, if they ALL DRESS THE SAME?! I mean, come on, what the fuck, as if you cannot possibly see that they all look the same? Same weird combover-look hairstyle, same bright purple and green stockings, same stoned look in their eyes... (Okay the last one wasn't a good example. When you're baked you can't help looking like that).
Basically, the whole 'indie movement' is now part of the fashion of our times, it's become 'mainstream'. So if they REALLY were indie, would'nt move on to something different and leave all the general masses behind? Something like shaving all your hair off and wearing a crown of feathers like the Native Americans, or wearing nothing but a leaf over your genitals, like Adam and Eve? I mean, that's pretty fucking hardcore indie if you're willing to go that far...
So seriously, stop listening to Animal Collective or the Cancer Bats, you're just hurting yourself (and others around you who have the misfortune of overhearing your music), stop wearing plaid shirts with vomit stains on them and stop talking about new ways to grow marijuana in your backyard!

Parties

If you wake up at 1 in the afternoon on a sunday in a bed that isn't yours, next to a complete stranger who looks like this ->, with an onion in your left shoe, something sticky in your hair, clothes on that aren't yours and a few bruises, you know last night's party was pretty intense.
This is what happened to me. (except for the onion bit, i just thought it would be funny if i added it in)
So when i woke up, i hustled around amongst the bodies strewn all over the house that i was at last night, and grabbed my clothes (my real ones), then i left the sleeping beauties to find a way home.
Now I don't know about you guys, but i for one hate taking public transport home on a sunday morning after a party. All these happy, cheeful families coming home from the markets, they all walk past me, with my dopey hangover look and my hood on, and they shield their childrens eyes like i'm sort of ogre or a sex offender. Honestly, get used to it. Your children will be like that some day. You should be thanking me for showing you a glimpse into the future of your precious little kiddies lives, pricks.
So anyway. I'm on the train coming home, and i'm thinking of what went down last night. The party had to be good if i don't remember much of it. i can vaguely recall myself flirting with some random whilst my mate munted all over her dress, and that's about it. But honestly, parties are basically meet-n-fucks nowadays. You meet someone new at the event, talk them up, hook up, get laid, and move on.
It's like free speed dating, but with more alcohol, and drugs (if that's what you're into).
Like seriously, where's the party element to it? Yeah, sure, there's music and food to start off with, but what next?
No wonder you never see normal people at parties anymore... Fucking hell...
Moving on.
I'm home now, and i should probably go take a Panadol for my headache, so i'll finish this up by asking if anynoe knows any cures for hangovers? Much appreciated.

Salmon-Man vs the Pajama Elephant

Alright, still no followers. This is my last post until i get at least 1 followers. Also I basically made this post just because this picture reminds me of my maths teacher. So yeah, no followers means no posts, or else I'm pretty much just wasting my time, which I can do on Facebook anyway.

I hate siblings...

Okay, so if the title isn't obvious enough, I hate my siblings. I have a 13 year old brother that could easily be mistaken for justin bieber, (except more gay and less singing), and a 7 year old brother who sticks to me like super-glue, but with the energy and talkativeness of Donkey from Shrek. Talk about a healthy family. They drive me off the wall. Like, seriously, today we were in the city, and i just felt like ripping a stop sign out the ground and clubbing them to death with it. Seriously, they're like a couple that's been married for 15 years! They yell at each other and run around the place... Can you just stop moving for ONE fucking second?!
Grrrr...

Weekend?

It's finally Saturday, the first day of the weekend. Yay. You'd think during these two days of much needed rest, young and old people should be able to relax and unwind after a (not so) hard week of work, right? WRONG.
Instead, teachers take pleasure in piling on the homework to their poor little students, expecting them to do 3 hours of work on a fucking weekend. So much for school counselors telling us to 'maintain and establish and functional social life'. Fucking hypocrites.
If i wanted to do that much work on a weekend, I'd go get a job, where i can GET PAID for what I do. Honestly, how much of a moron do you take me for Ms. or Mr. Whatever-the-fuck-you're-called? A pretty big one, I'm assuming. Because while you're having fun doing whatever boring, loner, sad middle-aged men and women do on the weekend (probably playing World of Warcraft or something like that), you expect your students to do work? Fat chance. (I also think that the kid in the picture hates work as much as i do)

So anyway, it's the weekend. Yay.

making a blog

Alright, here goes nothing.

My friend has finally convinced me to make a blog. After much heated discussion as to what to name the actual fucking thing, I have actually completed every little step towards making a proper blog, which I'm sure NO ONE will read anyway. (Unless of course you have too much time on your hands. Go do a fucking jigsaw or something, geez...)
So this marks the end of my first post.